Bees are more likely to sting moving objects. You are supposed to stand still when there is a bee around you. Bees are more likely to sting the person that runs from them. You are supposed to run away from the things that hurt you. But why does running away from this boy that doesn't love me back hurt a hell lot more? Perhaps this should be the real bee talk our parents should do when they refer to "The Birds and the Bees". Last night I started questioning if there's actually any complete protection over self. And I got nothing. You can get hurt by any means. And I guess "run away" doesn't do what I first told you just now anymore.
For the past few days I've been unable to word, or just to communicate. I feel like a piece of fabric put under the running water. There's nothing that I can carry because everything keeps leaking out of these loopholes that make up 80% of my being. Am I nothing or am I too much? I've always been the only one that's standing in my own way.
I met this boy who had a lot of amazing stories to tell, and could mesmerize people in an instant with his adventure tales of his life in the University of Oxford. Out of all the things we talked about, there's this special one about an interesting girl he mentioned that I could never possibly get over. Among the 14 scholars in Oxford (including my friend), there's an 18-year-old girl who can master 18 different languages, and has written a book using her own new language that captures all the valuable advantages of the 18 she knows. There are words in some languages that can never be translated into other languages. In Germany, people use "waldeinsamkeit" to convey the feeling of being alone in the woods. Cualacino is an Italian word for the mark left on a table by a cold glass. There's a word in Inuit that means the feeling of anticipation that leads you to keep checking to see if anyone is coming. Iktsuarpok. It seems like combining all the languages in the world might probably express every corner of human's intricate minds. But here I am, feeling iktsuarpok for someone in mind, frustrated by my inability to look for a word to deliver my ideas. I can't say that I don't love him anymore, but if he needed a light, I would set myself on fire. In the sense of doing that, I figured that nothing has changed. I still do. I still do. And tell me now, what's the word for that?
If you haven’t already known that there are animals that can regenerate their lost or damaged body parts and be immortal, here's a list of them: Lizards, worms, sea cucumbers, spiders, sponges, starfish, crayfish, salamanders, etc. Regeneration takes place because the poor animal wants to keep living. It's like their mechanism against nature; against death. Worms can grow a new head right after you cut it in half. Salamanders can grow a new tail if it is lost. Humans, however, are not able to do this. When we lose our limb, we lose our limb. When we die, we die. And this is the part that I never seem to understand. In Alexa Chung's book "IT", she mentioned about something Marianne Faithfull told her. "Nobody goes through life without having their heart broken and one day you'll wake up and it will be okay." And this is true, because I see people being okay even with a broken heart. A friend once told me that her church mentors said that falling in love means giving the other person an opportunity to crack your heart in half. Falling out of love means that the half cracked part is thrown away. So the more times you love, the smaller your heart is going to be. When humans lose what we lose, we can never replace it. I have lost a huge part of my heart, and the heart is the major part of the human body, and according to the fact I mentioned, it's unlikely to regenerate itself. So how does a person "wake up one day and be okay" when all that I feel is that I'm dying with this quartered-heart? Why can humans survive with a half-dead heart without regeneration?
I'm going to be 19 in about two months, and the only thing I can tell you is that the world is indeed very weird. Water can slip through fingers but it can hold up a ship. There are questions that can never be answered. Deserts should be dry and hot during daytime but it snowed in Egypt. And the people that don't deserve to be loved are the ones that need it the most. Nothing is ever everything because everything is incomplete. There are many loopholes and we're all running water that goes through it. And the biggest loophole of all? You have to let the world be incomplete in order to make it complete.
