It’s snowing in London tonight. I wonder if you’re fascinated by it as I would be. I travel the world inside my head, going a mile an hour, trying to picture myself next to you as we watch the fragments of heaven sprinkling down, illuminating our awfully ordinary world. I secretly hope it wouldn’t stop, so you could finally have a moment to admire what others take for granted. Yet, I did not want to call you or let you know that I was having that moment to myself. It’s shameful. I guess we’re all crazy in our own ways.
I am not condemning myself for dwelling on bygones. Sometimes reliving all the details is when you finally begin to forget. But really, there’s nothing to forget about. We were just two people caught in the eye of a storm. We did what we could do best, which was to relinquish something even time did not have the capacity to hold. What seemed to be chaos at the time, in hindsight, was a mere disguise of the power that transformed us into something bigger than what our minds could ever fathom. I’d like to believe that nothing was destined. And you were the enabling factor of the fact that I no longer am the person I was, simply by being yourself.
We’re now miles apart, but even if I can’t love you as a lover, I will not stop loving you as a friend. You were the person who saw the wounds I hid from the rest of the world. You saw them as if they glowed in the dark. And on top of everything you taught me how to adore them. Time did not allow us to construct our very own hiding place, but it’s incontrovertible that we’ve both kept the blueprint of it. The time we spent together was temporary, but in my mind those moments last forever. All this time I thought that if I've had mummified what we had, we could come back to pick it up where we left off. But that night when you told me you felt the same connection, I finally realized that not everything fleets, and what we had can always be revisited.
Life will continue to love a changed person. And I’ve learnt that sometimes letting go is a way of holding on.
