Three Minutes

Would you believe me if I told you there's a dimension where time is elastic and this "place", is on earth, right now, right here?

I went there when I was toasting my bread this morning. It happened as soon as I pressed down the button and waited for the everlasting three minutes of my toasted bread. It happens to some people while they're on a train ride, or in the shower, or on their deathbeds. I was just thinking about random things like the dinner tonight and tomorrow's plan and maybe some other stuff like old songs that I used to like and people that I used to talk to but not anymore. And all of a sudden it really got to me because for a few seconds everything just felt so distant and nothing felt like the surroundings and you wanted to run straight into your mom's arms but it felt a bit foreign and you suddenly forgot how you used to be 12 and now you're here, and this was the first time you'd ever been this old but it just wasn't supposed to feel like this. And nostalgia suddenly consumed you and you knocked on your chest but nobody's home. All I could think of was how it felt when I lived every day exactly the same way, but when you looked back, everything has changed and it felt painless but for some reasons it's aching inside.

I once read a book called The Catcher in the Rye. The main character, Holden, says that his favorite place to visit is the museum because in there, everything always stayed right where it was. I remember the time when I got to this part of the novel, it also felt painless but it's aching inside. There are times when I tried to roam about the memories, both good and bad, and refused to keep walking because it's unpredictable ahead and I'm the ones that never let go. But the sad fact is that the past is kept behind displaying windows and all we can do is just watch. A lot of people do this too but soon enough, they pick up their things and get going because there's no time to waste. I've wasted mine and now I have to remind myself of the brevity of life and I have to keep walking. It's definitely fine for people to stay put. Fine for old people, I guess. Because for now, we are young and we still have the strength to carry on. The people you miss are walking ahead, too and you may meet them on your way, or you won't. But if you choose to sit in front of the window, you'll soon find yourself all alone. For now, we are young and everything in the museum will always stay the same. I was the girl who sat in front of the displaying windows and secretly wished the good memories would live as long as I would and the bad memories would magically turn into something that wouldn't hurt. And I was the girl who fogged up the window with my breath and drew hundreds of smiley faces to make that wish come true, but it never did, and instead, I just watched them fade. For now, we are young and I tell myself that there are better things and greater challenges ahead and drawing smiley faces can always wait.

Ping! My toast was done and it was the longest three minutes of my life. For now, it is the first time you've ever felt this old, but it's also the last time you'll ever feel this young. I picked up my nice warm breakfast and expected a tremendous breakdown, but it never came. And believe me, breathe in and out and you're going to be fine in about three minutes.